Yesterday, as I lay there at the chiropractor, receiving an awesome mechanical massage, I felt every muscle begin to relax. It was simply divine. I started thinking about injuries, pain, open wounds and scars along life's shore. (I know what you are thinking..."Kris, you're not supposed to think when you're getting a massage! You're supposed to relax, doofus!") When I have the rare opportunity to relax and be totally alone...that's what I do...I think. My creativity unravels.
I remembered 26 years ago, while skiing in Vermont and having the time of my life in the great outdoors, I experienced a pretty serious knee injury. Why on earth Mt. Snow was blowing snow in such perfect, powdery conditions, I'll never understand. It was all Mt. Snow's fault!!! Anyway, I decided to wrestle the face. I lost visibility and hit a mogul dead-on. My skis didn't release and I felt an excruciating snap and immediate intense pain. I flopped in the snow and lay motionless. Stupid bindings! Then, I remembered...I never had my bindings checked that year. It was the binding's fault!! Long story short, I completely severed my Anterior Cruciate and Medial Collateral ligaments. 1 week later, I had surgical reconstruction and the surgeon saw fit to borrow from my Patellar tendon to do the repair. Isn't it so nice to share?? I was left with an ugly 7 inch scar.
After 6 months of intense rehab, I still could not obtain full extension. A second opinion, from the best knee surgeon in Baltimore, then revealed I needed Patellar tendon reconstruction (to correct the first surgeon's fault!). He cut through that very same ugly scar and borrowed from my hamstring muscles to do his work. I had another 6 months of agonizing therapy from the best Sports Medicine team on the planet. I often cried and writhed in agony as my therapist pushed me and broke through the adhesions. (Plus, those HUGE athletes lit a fire under me...those Big Boys were NOT going to intimidate me!! If they could do it, I could do it!) I had to go through the pain, hurt and agony in order to gain mobility and strength. My therapist didn't enjoy causing me pain, but because I allowed him to do his job and he cared enough, he knew I had to endure to reach healing. There were absolutely no other alternatives. Either I stayed where I was or I did what had to be done to move ahead in order to lead an active life.
Ya know...I still have that deep, ugly scar. I tried every topical application known to man to make the scar go away. Nope, it won't ever go away. In fact, although they are easy to hide, we all have deep, ugly scars. And, although we can't see the deep scars of our hearts, we absolutely remember that they are there. Scars remind us of the wounds, the pain, the healing and the very hard work of recovery.
As much as we wish they would, most scars will never go away. Ultimately, if we give them permission, scars will always serve to remind us that we need to keep running to Jesus (and I...mean...running) and falling into His arms. He knows where we have been, what we have done and what we have become. He loves us beyond our wildest imagination...open wounds, scars and all. He loves you for you.
My scars make me who I am this very day. They tell my story. What's your story? I'd love to know.
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