Lately, I've been feeling very internally overwhelmed...lots of changes are going on in this body lately (if you know what I mean) and the stress is always there. For those of us who struggle with chronic anxiety and depression,,,it's how we daily roll. It just never goes away. You might be tempted to say..."Just get over it. Your life really isn't that bad." Trust me...that's the worst thing you could say. I know my life is good...I have a home, food, clothes, family, friends, health...so it goes. What more can I ask for? So, what is it? If I knew, I'd certainly fix it. That inner joy most times is overwhelmed by my rough internal waters. I don't know if I'm making any sense. I'm just telling on myself.
Sometimes I just need to know others care about ME. You may think it selfish of me. But, it seems I give and give and give until there feels like there's nothing left to give. It seems anyone who approaches me tells me about every livin' physical ailment or problem known to man. Sometimes I think to myself, "If someone comes and tells me one more issue...I think I'm gonna have to scream." Seriously. People play on my compassion. Rarely do I hear, "Hi, How are YOU really doing, Kristal Sea??" People are so caught up in their own little worlds that rarely do they give...they suck the livin' life outta you. It gets really, really tiring. I'm not just a nurse. I'm more than that. I'm a whole being.
Don't get me wrong. I love my career; it's my calling. Just sometimes I get so weary. Again, I'm human; I have weaknesses. These are the times that I am at the end of myself and really depend on God's strength to get me through the smallest moments. For it is only in Him that I "live and move and have my being."
So maybe next time you see your favorite nurse friend, ask her how she is really doing? Most likely, her heart will be totally warmed (and might even melt)...just knowing that you care. I know mine will be.
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| My dream house in Autumn-Wolf's Hollow, PA 10/15 |
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