He will never let go

Have I ever told you how much I absolutely hate conflict?  Conflict totally messes with me; it paralyzes me.  My heart races, my upper back and neck spasm, I want to run, immense fears mount and I feel like I can't breathe.  And, somewhere in my past, I developed this horrible fear of quick sand.  Quick sand??!!  Obviously, the likelihood of my exposure to quick sand will be little to none.  It's a totally irrational fear.  But, that's how conflict feels:  like I'm sinking and I'll soon be engulfed...and I'll die of suffocation.  I am just sure, in the end, I won't be okay.  Everything will completely fall apart and I'll never recover nor will I find resolve.  I feel like I'm drowning; I neither have the goods nor the stamina to reach the surface. Like a powerful ocean wave, conflict totally wipes me out.  Fighting to overcome, I must do a lot of praying and a lot of self-talk.  I know...to you this description may seem ridiculous...but, for me, it is very real.

As I look back at many difficult circumstances in my life, I never thought I would make it to the other side.  I find that if I can just hold on and never let go, I'll make it.  Eventually, the conflicts and painful times do come to resolve and in the end I am okay.  I can breathe again.  I've made it through the storm.  The more hard times I face, the stronger I become, the more secure I am...the more I know I'll be okay.  Most importantly, God promised me that there is nothing that He and I cannot handle together.  He's got my back.  It is truly only because God has NEVER let go of me...that I am.  Yes, many times, I have squirmed out of His grip and pulled away.  But, He has never and will never let me go.

Just this week, I read these verses from Psalm 69:  1-4:  "Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck.  I sink in the miry (slimy, muddy) depths, where there is no foothold.  I have come into the deep waters where the floods engulf me.  I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched, my eyes fail looking for my God.  Rescue me from the mire, do not let me sink; deliver me from the deep waters."

Writing this, I am reminded of this song by Matt Redman.  Please watch this video.  Hold on with all your might.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB1NJV3rG6k

He will never let go...