Superwoman??

Last week, was super-hero day here at school.  We really love having fun around here.  So, of course, my first thought was, "OK, I'll be Cat-woman."  That's an easy one.  But then, my husband gently reminded me that she was a villain.  :)  Oh yeah.  Still, I consider her my alter-ego.  So, to stay out of potential trouble, I chose Super-woman instead.

How ironic.  That very day, my inner world began to unravel...and I had no idea what was going on.  Have I gone mad??  We went out to dinner with our special friends.  Our conversation and potential future changes caused an eruption of tears and an unstoppable melt-down right there in the restaurant.  I absolutely hate it when that happens.  I hadn't cried in a long, long time.

Then, I realized that one conversation brought out many layers of stuff that I've been carrying.  My fears for the future, loneliness, longing for deep connections which are so hard to find, my husband's long-term unemployment status and what the future holds, managing daily routines:  waking at 4:30 am, working full time, cooking, cleaning, laundry, mowing, meeting my daughter's and husband's needs, maintaining my personal health and balance...and then exhausted...falling into bed.  I feel like I'm expected to keep it all together...for my family's sake.  Frankly, I just can't.  I cannot carry it all.  Inside, I just fell apart.  I'm reminded...I'm far from a super-hero...not even close.

I guess it all boils down to this:  do I sincerely trust that God is the strength of my life?  Do I trust him with our future?  Do I trust his wisdom...does he really know what he is doing?  Are we in the palm of his hand?  Am I his child and does he know every bit of who I am?  It's okay to admit that I can't do it all...I am not meant to carry it all nor am I meant to keep it all together.  It's really okay.

God holds me together...every~single~moment...of every day.  Period.  No frills.